I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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