I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
