i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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