i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
