Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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