I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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