dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
