her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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