I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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