Ambien. No doubt about it.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
