Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
