Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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