Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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