My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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