i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
