that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
