I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
