I want to walk on stilts...naked
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
