I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
