I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So many bounce houses so little time
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
