The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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