You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
