oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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