How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Every concussion has its silver lining
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
