And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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