you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
