I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize