I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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