I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
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