she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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