im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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