so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
