4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
