if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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