My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
