I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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