Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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