he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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