Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
