so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
