seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
