Dude my mom stole all your condoms
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I need water and some morals
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
