haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
