why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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