i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
