she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
