My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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