Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
do nipples grow back?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
