haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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