OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
And my parents said I crawled through the house
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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