If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
