Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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