One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
