hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
