Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
