Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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