how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
