Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize