**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
