so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
