I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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