He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
