in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
