Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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