dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
