You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
