Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
