Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
