im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
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