I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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