Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
