I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Sext me about skeletons
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
