I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
