those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
