yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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