we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
