He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
