It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
