You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize