i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
