Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
babies were throwing up all over the place
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
