this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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