i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
