I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
