So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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