when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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