Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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