I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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