Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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