What did we do last night that was yellow?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
