I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
