he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
