Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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