If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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