Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Alive.
So much puke
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
