there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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