I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
porn star boner night. come get it.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
