so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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