They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
