Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
